Loving in the Digital Times: Deceptive Love
"There exists a significant difference between amour de soi and amour propre"
- - Jean Jacques Rousseau
According to Rousseau, "amour de soi" is a type of love that is instinctual and
not self-reflective, meaning that an individual is indifferent to the opinion of
others towards him and therefore, loves himself unconditionally without
judgment. On the other hand, "amour propre" refers to a self-mediated love of an
individual formed through the opinions of other people in society, leading to
the person basing his worth on the fickle view of others.
In this digital age, love has been revolutionised due to the astonishing
advances the human race has achieved in the technological field. However, the
advancement of technology in the dating scenario has also led to this second
type of love becoming very prevalent among the masses, with people judging their
worth based on how many likes or comments they get on their posts and profiles
on social media and dating platforms.
India used to be the land of traditions, where marriages were not just a union
between individuals but between two different families. People met others while
going out to attend events or via mutual acquaintances, and if they believed
themselves to be compatible, they would join their families together in holy
matrimony. However, over the last decade, digitization in the global economy has
changed the way people meet and interact.
Nowadays, people meet others on online platforms which have been specifically
made for dating purposes, skewing the sense of romanticism that used to exist in
our society. Various online dating platforms have cropped up like Tinder, Hinge,
Bumble, etc, whose purpose is to match compatible people with each other. These
sites allow users to create online profiles and personas which can be viewed by
other online users and based on their interests they are allowed to connect.
This seems to be a very new novel of dating and obviously comes with certain
perks like more matches (distance does not remain a barrier in online
platforms), better matches (modernisation and digitisation have led to the
creation of algorithms which can predict your choice of partners based on your
interest collected via real-time data), and ease of communication with others.
To highlight this phenomenon, let us take the example of a dating app like
Tinder to explain its benefits. An individual making a profile on Tinder has to
input a lot of personal data into his profile to make the app understand what
kind of person the individual in question is, and who would be a better match
for this person. Tinder uses all your data to create an online persona for you
and then utilizes its patented algorithm to find potential matches for you.
These data sets are very important, as these are essentially your personality
converted into binary code, which can be understood by the machines. The
algorithms then help you find potential matches based on the data sets it has
collected and allow you to match and communicate with them. Tinder can assist an
individual only to a certain extent by putting him/her at a communicating
distance of potentially compatible people, nevertheless, to establish a
relationship, human interaction between two individuals must be present.
Such dating apps and sites have transformed the way people find love in modern
times. No longer do people have to meet with hundreds of others before they find
someone that they are even remotely compatible with, now automated and
semi-intelligent machines and software are here to make our lives easier,
thereby forevermore altering loving in digital times. However, where there is
light, there also exists darkness. Online dating platforms may have
revolutionised the way individuals date and love, but it has also created new-gen
problems that did not exist before this digitised era.
Social media and dating platforms have convinced people to become dependent on
the opinions and thoughts of other individuals themselves to judge and value
their worth, which has distorted the socio-psychological dimension of society.
People with no talents other than having a massive following in cyberspace are
being elevated to higher social standing in society, whereas people with actual
talents go unnoticed more times than not.
These new-generation diseases like Facebook depression, Snapchat dysmorphia
syndrome, Social media anxiety disorder (SMAD), etc., did not exist in the pre-digitisation
age, but only came into being once technology advanced to its current levels.
Including deteriorating the mental health of various individuals, social media
is also twisting our views on dating and love that have existed since the
beginning of our times.
Nowadays, a hook-up between two individuals is cool whereas 'simping' is
essentially lame. It is extremely progressive that society has begun accepting
that two individuals of any gender can have relations without being committed to
each other but disrespecting a person because he/she does "too much" for a
person they love, that is just absurd.
Nevertheless, social media has now made it unacceptable for anyone to be a simp,
otherwise, they are derided and mocked for it. People have also become concerned
with shallow appearances nowadays, with couples on social media spending their
hard-earned funds at astronomical rates just to post a few photos on the social
media platform just because one of their acquaintances did the same. Social
media has become the biggest hub for showing off to other individuals, it
doesn't matter if the couple in question is having a rocky patch or even if they
are in love anymore, appearances must be kept up!
The anonymity afforded by the internet also allows unscrupulous individuals to
scam others. Various scams like catfishing, blackmailing, and identity theft
have occurred mainly through dating sites, wherein individuals are so desperate
to find love that they are ready to give out their confidential information at
the slightest prompt just for a small chance at finding love.
Remaining single nowadays is undesirable in our society and having someone
beside you (which is proved by the various photos posted on social media
platforms, as otherwise, nobody would believe you are happy with your partner,
"because they don't post any photos, and are, therefore, discontented with their
lives") is the way to be successful. Seeing other people post such content on
online platforms (no matter how fake they may be), makes other people jealous,
and they start craving what these individuals seem to have, thereby creating a
perpetual cycle of fake love and pretentiousness in our society.
Digitisation in today's world may have seemed to make it easier for us to love
in these modern times, but it has also created some deep-rooted issues and
raised alarming concerns regarding love in our society. Firstly, these dating
apps and companies have access to all our data, which we are willingly giving up
for a hopeless chance at love. These companies have unfettered access to our
data which they can use in any manner they deem fit, all in the name of finding
us our most compatible partner. Privacy and data concerns are the last things
going through an individual's brain while signing up for a dating profile.
This New-Age Digitisation has created these new-gen diseases which are severely
affecting our society, especially the younger generation. After Covid and the
lockdown, our lives have become permanently paired with our online personas,
thereby compelling us to spend our time facing the screens. It has become clear
throughout the progression of this paper that digitisation has irrevocably
changed loving in modern times and while it has led to something which may seem
good, underneath lurks a monster slowly corroding the pillars of our society,
which would eventually lead to our collapse.
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